与父亲的相处之道

2010 年 6 月 18 日 星期 五 今晚报

与父亲的相处之道

• 发布日期： 2010-06-18 00:00
• 作者：by Melissa Macron 朱敏琦 译

岁月如梭,不知不觉间,已告别孩提时代的你，再也找不回那位常常把你抱在怀里扛在肩上的伟岸父亲。和父亲的相处不再那么亲密，常有的沉默甚至使你觉得有些尴尬。于是，你开始躲着父亲,想要逃开他的管束。是父亲变了还是你变了？如何找回和父亲相处的亲密时光？

你们和老爸相处，时而亲密，时而疏离，时而尴尬不已。但无论如何，一定要确保你们的关系尽可能达到最好的状态。爸爸绝不仅仅是你的私人取款机。其实，只要你愿意，他能够给你的还有很多。毕竟，你们关系非常亲密的时光还历历在目——还记得和他一起出行垂钓、骑车兜风和比赛垒球吗？你爸爸不仅没有忘记，而且还十分怀念那些日子——和你。但是，随着你逐渐长大成人，不再是个小孩，你和爸爸之间的关系就会变得有点——尴尬。本文将指导你如何走出一些潜在的困境，让你和最亲爱的老爸更加亲密无间。

Make sure you and your pops have the best relationship possible——through the good times, the bad times and the just plain awkward times. Your dad is way more than your personal ATM. He’s actually got a lot to offer, if you’ll let him. After all, it wasn’t all that long ago when you two were super-tight-remember the father-child fishing trips, bike rides and softball games? You dad hasn’t forgotten, and he totally misses those days-and you. But as you become more of an adult and less of a little child, things between you and Dad can get, well, awkward. We’re here to steer you through some potentially difficult situations so you and Daddy Dearest can be closer than ever.

问题：你们没有共同语言！他是体育迷，而你醉心于艺术。他喜欢动作片，你却只看独立电影。诸如此类，不胜枚举……
建议：兴趣不同并不意味着在生活中你和爸爸就必须各自为政。找到适合你们俩一起做的事情：可以报名参加空手道初级班或当地社区大学的吉他课程（大多提供无学分课程）。或者一起做填字游戏。不管你们选什么，一定得是你们俩都不熟悉的事情，这样可以保持相同的学习进度。然后，你们可以就这个共同话题聊天，进而引出其他话题。你瞧，现在共同语言不就有了嘛！

PAPA PROBLEM: You have nothing in common！ He’s a sports nut; you love the arts. He’s into action-adventure flicks; you’re all about indies. And the list goes on…
ADVICE: Having different interests doesn’t mean you and your dad have to lead separate lives. Find something just the two of you can do: Suggest signing up for a beginner’s karate class or guitar lessons at the local community college (most offer noncredit classes). Or get into doing crosswords together. Whatever you pick, make sure it’s something you’re both new to so you’ll learn at the same speed. Then, you can talk about your shared activity, which will lead to other conversation topics, too. Voila！ Now you have something in common.

问题：你和妈妈无话不谈。和爸爸？交谈甚少。但是如果你遇到了天大的麻烦，而爸爸又是身边唯一可以倾诉的对象。呃……
建议：的确，情不自禁到妈妈身边寻求安慰和建议再自然不过——还有谁会产生这种“曾历其境、感同身受”的共鸣？但别忘了爸爸，他也是，不过是从男人的角度！他或许能给你一些真知灼见。所以，如果情况已经十万火急，问问爸爸有没有时间聊聊。即使一开始你会觉得谈论隐私有点不自在，但你要倾听他提出的宝贵建议。你极有可能会学到很多——他也会因为知道自己有机会帮你走出困境而感到自豪。

PAPA PROBLEM: You talk to your mom about everything. Your dad? Not so much. But you’re in major crisis mode, and Dad’s the only one around to confide in. Eek…
ADVICE: Sure, it’s only natural for you to gravitate to your mom for comfort and advice——who else can offer the whole been-there-done-that vibe？ But let’s not forget Dad’s been-there-done-that, too, but only as a guy！ And he may be able to offer you some insight. So when your troubles reach a boiling point, ask your dad if he has a few minutes to talk. Even if it’s a bit odd at first to chat about such personal stuff, listen up for the valuable things he has to say. You’ll probably learn a lot——and he’ll be one proud pop knowing he has the chance to help you out.

问题：以前，你和爸爸经常花大把时间腻在一起。但现在，你忙于游泳队训练、钢琴课和周末朋友聚会之中，几乎不怎么见到他。
建议：你爸爸当然希望你生活充实——而且快乐。但他也可能暗暗希望你取消这周与铁哥们或好姐妹的第50次聚会，选择和他待一会儿。所以，在你的日程表里安排一个时段，留给亲爱的爸爸：不妨考虑在每周日的早晨和爸爸一起准备并享用一顿丰盛的早餐！或者留出每周四的晚上一起比赛桌上足球，然后品尝圣代冰淇淋。如果临时有紧要的事情，你完全可以“请假”，但是定期小聚会让你和爸爸之间的纽带系得更紧一些。

PAPA PROBLEM: You and your dad used to spend tons of time together. But now, between swim team, piano lessons and weekends with friends, you barely see him.
ADVICE: Of course your dad wants you to stay bust——and happy. But he’s probably also silently wishing you’d pass on chilling with your BFF for the 50th time this week and hang with him instead. So add a block of time into your schedule for dear Dad: Think about starting a Sunday morning tradition of cooking up——then eating up——fabulous breakfasts together. Or earmark Thursday nights for a foosball tournament followed by ice cream sundaes. It’s cool if you have to bail when something super important comes up, but aiming for regular together time will bring a bonus boost to your bond with Dad.

问题：你已经完全自立、可靠，但是爸爸依然把你当成小孩子。他坚持每天晚上检查你的家庭作业，不经“盘问”就不赞成你的任何计划。
建议：爸爸从你呱呱坠地那天起就一直陪伴你左右，教你系鞋带，为你包扎擦伤的膝盖。所以，在他眼里你一直是个小孩，要他彻底放手自然不易。但是，他必须给你空间，这对双方都好。请他坐下，告诉他你已经可以独立处理家庭作业之类的事情了。保证开学后定期告诉他每门课程的学习情况。至于他想要知道你去哪儿以及整天都和谁在一起的问题，可以在他发问之前就主动坦诚相告，获得他的信任。但是，他总是会给你无微不至的保护——爸爸就是这样的。

PAPA PROBLEM: You’re totally responsible and reliable, but your dad still treats you like a baby. He insists on checking your homework each night, and you can’t make and plans without him giving you the third degree.
ADVICE: From teach- ing you to tie your shoes to bandaging your skinned knees, your dad’s been there for you from day one. And naturally, it’s gonna be hard for him to let go of his little child. But to make life easier for both of you, he has to loosen the reins. Sit him down and tell him you’re ready to handle things like homework on your own. Promise to provide regular updates on your progress in each class when the school year starts. And as for him wanting to know where you are and who you’re with 24/7, earn his trust by offering him honest info before he even asks. But he’s always going to be super-protective of you——that’s just a dad thing. （摘自2010年6月《新东方英语·中学生》）

岁月如梭